My mother (for reasons unknown) would tell me as a small child that she was so sad that I was going to die. She told me numerous times that I had some weird disease that would make it so I died at a young age, that I'd never get old.... never live long enough to have babies. Being given this information repeatedly at such an impressionable age had several impacts on me, it made me want to be a mommy more than anything. It made it so I think about death more than the average person, and perhaps as a small unintended gift from my Mother, made it so I try harder to live life in each moment. The biggest impact it had though is something I still struggle with as I become 50 years old. I can't plan further than a year ahead in my life because my brain doesn't expect me to still be around. I've never had a "five year plan" as I couldn't wrap my head around it as a meaningful concept. Matter of fact, until the past 10 years or so, my retirement plan was simply to be already dead. I used to quip that IF I got old, I would be a very surprised old person.
But sometimes, you just don't die.
My therapist has pointed out to me that my Mother was clearly very wrong, and the evidence is that here I am, still alive and no longer "young." Rationally, I know this, I live this truth. Today me knows now that my Mother had poor motivation to help me thrive. But yet her legacy persists. Even sitting here writing this now I realize that this item of my bucket list might actually be the hardest one for me to embrace and be successful at. So this is probably the most important one for me to do.
I am yet unsure how to facilitate this particular goal, but I did come across Your Best Year Ever course, which seems to fit what I am looking for and has been updated specifically to be the year after the pandemic years. So I might use this. I have also found this which might also work for me, and of course, How Not To Give A F*ck.
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